Ernie Halley
ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008
Fri Jan 7, 2005 17:36
64.140.159.123

 

ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008


This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008 that I'm not sure how funny this really is...


Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID


number?


Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.


Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.


Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610


Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,


and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln


Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is


sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?


Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?


Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.


Customer: The HSS, what is that?


Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add


only 15 seconds to your ordering time.


Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat


Special pizzas.


Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.


Customer: Whaddya mean?


Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've


got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National


Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice .


Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?


Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.


Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?


Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local


library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.


Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then


Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.Your
2


dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.


Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.


Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your


credit card balance is over its limit.


Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets


here.


Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn


also.


Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.How


long will it take?


Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir


If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting


the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.


Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?


Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car


got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank


yesterday.


Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#


Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July


4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in


September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge Oh yes, see


here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional


Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?


Customer: (speechless)


Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?


Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2-liter of Coke.


Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from


offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.


Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.

Ernie Halley

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