Al Kamen
Comments regarding God have sparked confusion.
Sat Oct 15, 2005 19:50
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George W. Bush and the G-Word

The reemergence of the controversy that President Bush allegedly told Palestinian leaders that God told him to invade Afghanistan and then Iraq is not the only time that his comments regarding God have sparked confusion.

Al Kamen


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The reemergence of the controversy that President Bush allegedly told Palestinian leaders that God told him to invade Afghanistan and then Iraq is not the only time that his comments regarding God have sparked confusion.

In July 2004, he stopped to campaign with some Amish folks at Lapp Electric Service in Smoketown, Pa. Just as the meeting ended, Bush, according to Mennonite Weekly Review columnist Jack Brubaker, told the group: "I trust God speaks through me. Without that I couldn't do my job." This also produced White House denials that Bush used those words.

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Loop Fans will recall that the Palestinian kerfuffle began in June 2003, when an Israeli paper reported that former Palestinian prime minister Mahmoud Abbas said Bush told the Palestinian leaders: "God told me to strike at al Qaeda and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam Hussein, which I did."

The White House declined to clarify, but the Israeli reporter at the time read what he said were the Palestinians' minutes of the meeting to an Arabic-speaking colleague here. Our colleague's translation was different: "God inspired me to hit al Qaeda, and so I hit it. And I had the inspiration to hit Saddam, and so I hit him."

Substantially different, we felt. Moreover, this is Abbas's account in Arabic of what Bush said in English, written down by a note-taker in Arabic and then put back into English.

The newest uproar was sparked by a BBC documentary airing this week in which Palestinian negotiator Nabil Shaath says Bush said during that meeting that he was "driven with a mission from God."

"President Bush said to all of us: 'I'm driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did, and then God would tell me, George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq. . . . And I did." This sounds much like the original Haaretz version. Bush then allegedly said God had now told him to "go get the Palestinians their state."

This time there is a response: "We checked contemporaneous notes from the meeting with President Abbas and did not find a single reference to God," a senior administration official told us. "The closest thing we could find that the president said is: 'My government and I personally are committed to the vision of a Palestinian state.' "

Back in 2004, a White House spokesman told Mennonite Weekly columnist Brubaker that Bush "likely talked about his own faith," as he often does, but did not say God speaks through him.

Brubaker, in a follow-up column, said he checked with his source, an Amish reporter, who rechecked with attendees and had gotten different wording from several of them. "But Bush has said similar things on other occasions," Brubaker noted, citing B ob Woodward's "Plan of Attack," where Bush says he's "surely not going to justify the war based on God . . . Nevertheless . . . I pray I be as good a messenger of his will as possible."

" 'Messenger of his will [or] God speaks through me,' " Brubaker wrote. "The difference seems rather fine."

heaven is a dance club
God called a press conference yesterday. Before a stunned crowd of cherubs, nuns and recently arrived members of a house church in Iran, Yahweh cancelled hell. Effective October 19, 2005, all current occupants of hell will be annihilated, and the abode of the damned will be closed forever.

Citing the misguided motivation of his son's followers, God decided he would rather have a few people who really wanted to be in heaven, than a lot of people who just don't want to go to hell.

Heaven will be available to all who simply say the secret password to doorman Jesus. The password can be found on small pieces of paper with cartoon drawings, or at large scale rallies put on by people who really don't want to go to hell.

The announcement is a pleasant surprise to attenders of religious meetings who don't want to go to hell but are a bit put off by the whole discipleship thing. Many will be happy to know that there is absolutely no chance they will end up in hell, and that heaven is an option if they can find the time to get the secret password.

With a guarantee of no hell, and the option to give the secret password to doorman Jesus, or to continue a self-centered life followed by annihilation, God suspects most attenders of religious meetings will spend most of their time shopping.

And those who do not attend religious meetings will never notice the difference.
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