Is Alan Greenspan a Malignant Alien Life Form?
Thu Apr 1, 2004 00:51
Is Alan Greenspan a Malignant Alien Life Form?
by Steven LaTulippe
The deeper I dug…the stranger it got.
Last week, while perusing an old copy of Ayn Rand’s Capitalism: The Unknown
http://tinyurl.com/2lphw (a collection of free market essays by a variety of
authors associated with Rand), I was drawn to a 1966 essay by Alan Greenspan. As
I progressed through the paper, I became more astonished with each page.
In the essay, Gold and Economic Freedom
Greenspan makes an impassioned defense of gold as a necessary precondition to
economic prosperity, and warns of the mischief in which governments engage when
freed from its constraints.
"The abandonment of the gold standard made it possible for the welfare statists
to use the banking system as a means to an unlimited expansion of credit. They
have created paper reserves in the form of government bonds which – through a
complex series of steps – the banks accept in place of tangible assets and treat
as if they were an actual deposit"
He identifies the devious motive behind the statists’ monetary games:
"But the opposition to the gold standard in any form – from a growing number of
welfare-state advocates – was prompted by a much subtler insight: the
realization that the gold standard is incompatible with chronic deficit
spending…the welfare statists were quick to recognize that if they wished to
retain political power, the amount of taxation had to be limited and they had to
resort to programs of massive deficit spending"
He even noted historical examples of disasters caused by various central banks
via chronic currency debasement and suppression of interest rates:
"If banks can continue to loan money indefinitely – it was claimed – there need
never be any slumps in business. And so the Federal Reserve System was created
"The excess credit which the Fed pumped into the economy spilled over into the
stock market – triggering a fantastic speculative boom. Belatedly, Federal
Reserve officials attempted to sop up the excess reserves and finally succeeded
in braking the boom. But it was too late: by 1929 the speculative imbalances had
become so overwhelming that the attempt precipitated a sharp retrenching and a
consequent demoralization of business confidence. As a result, the American
My cigar fell to the floor as I sat agape.
How on earth could this possibly be the same person who is running the Federal
Reserve today? Is it conceivable that this is the same guy who has been
wall-papering the world with dollars to sustain our titanic budget deficit? Is
there any way that this could be the very same man who has been expanding the
money supply and manipulating interest rates for several years…fueling numerous
epic speculative bubbles (such as the tech-stock debacle of the late 90’s and
the current real estate catastrophe-waiting-to-happen)???
It hardly seemed possible.
There hasn’t been this big of a transformation since Anakin Skywalker became
Solving this mystery became something of an obsession.
With confidence that "the truth is out there", I began working late into the
night. Evidence was collected and data was processed. Periodic Greenspan
handwriting samples were obtained and analyzed via sophisticated software. Audio
files of his speeches were downloaded and submitted to high-tech voice stress
analysis. Old pictures underwent electron microscopy.
No stone was left unturned.
Numerous likely theories were discarded, one by one. At the end of the day, only
one plausible explanation was left: We are dealing with an Invasion of the Body
Snatchers scenario. There’s been a diabolical "swap". The current "Alan
Greenspan" is a cunningly disguised extraterrestrial who has been sent here by
hostile aliens to wreck our economy. As to what they did with the old "free
market Greenspan", I can only speculate (perhaps he is under the Meadowlands
with Jimmy Hoffa?).
But, the more urgent question is…who is next?
Clearly, they are targeting libertarians.
Will I log on to this site one morning to find an article by Lew Rockwell – in
strange, flat prose – calling for a "more steeply progressive income tax" and
"government-financed health care for all"?
Will I pick up a copy of the National Review and see a cover story by Karen
Kwiatkowski extolling the virtues of Max Boot and Bill Kristol?
Will I turn on the TV to see a cadaveric facsimile of Pat Buchanan calling for
President Bush to "get more aggressive in the war on terror" and demanding that
the US "enact regime change in Syria and Iran"?
Clearly, we all need to take precautions.
I’ve barricaded my doors and windows…and have swept the backyard for
They’ll never take me alive.
April 1, 2004
mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org is a physician currently practicing in
Ohio. He was an officer in the United States Air Force for 13 years
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